【#Career】They choose to be
snobby and looking down on others, however, why you care? 20230615
Hi. This is Emily from Taiwan, finance and accounting work background, the author of Whatsyouridea1996 blog.
First
things first, I would like to recommend a song that makes people feel #happy: #HappySong
by #HarlemYu
https://youtu.be/bX_iI2UKbdI
In this article,
it involves some mental situation description, however, it’s my personal idea and observation only, and I didn’t possess any psyshological
science or related medial research experience, its for your reference only.
Moreover, this
time, it only includes idea of interaction and attitude among people in general
circumstances, there is no further discussion about people using their language
to belittle others, it involves in intentionally harm others and bully
behavior, at this moment, the issues are too many and the scope is too big to
be completed here.
This article is a response to an asked question, they don’t feel comfortable about people of snobbish eyes, comparing with others, showing off or looking down on others…at workplace, and hope could know the way to react, or, if possible, they want to know how to fight back.
Below are my
advices:
-
People of snobbish- eyed, maybe they
can go to the glasses stores or see the ophthalmologists to find solutions. 😆😄
-
Comparing, they need to define the
standard measurement first.
-
People are showing off, and, if they
are the kind of persons they are talking about, why not we give them the applause;
I would say, showing off is a kind of
need for affirmation.
-
Please feel no triggering when being
contemned. It means, if people are able to manage their own emotion well, they
are powerful and nothing can defeat them!
Believe what you define yourself.
Below video
describes a similar situation that I hope could share with you.
Please also keep
in mind: no matter what kind of idea this video or I ‘ve brought to you, you
are allowed to question it; when questioning, it means, you have the ability to
think independently, you are not easy to be manipulated. Do you agree with it?
[Automatic
translation function is available in the setting]
Channel Brainy Dose：10 Ways
You’re Giving Your Power Away - And How to Stop
https://youtu.be/y3vqBACC6mE
Does it remind you
of some kind of religious knowledge: be free, and don’t let external forces to
impact how you feel; Avalokitesvara.( The Maha Prajna
Paramita Hrdaya Sutra) This concept is not invented by Buddhism or Daoism only,
many people who have no religious belief have already realized this kind of
knowledge via real life experiencing.
How do you feel
about this idea?
And, yes, there are people who make others feel unpleasant, however, what I want to advise is you practice your managing your own feeling to become a person not easy to be influenced, thus, the most important thing is to be invincible. 😊
Do you agree with
this?!
I’ve experienced
all the situation being asked for answers above, especially being belittled, and I felt
angry then; however, after years and I’ve known some knowledge in the field of
psycology and some religious sutra, I see it differently:
Their behavior:
actually, they are seeking for
external affirmation and attention, they hope could get affirmation by fighting others or
getting closer to people who are in higher position than them.
My anger: it was
because, at that moment, I suddenly found no proper words to express my anger
when they intentionally be rude
to me.
Thoughts:
If I didn’t experience this kind of situation that made me feel angry,
maybe, I have nothing to share with you in this topic!
Experiencing unpleasant things was a
kind of learning to know what the things really are, and know ourselves in
our own opinion.
Do you agree?
Please choose
interested topic and jump to the color to view; do remember to forward this
page to your friends. Thank you.
The paragraphs
are:
1. How I define [snobbish].
2. Why you care?!
3. We feel unpleasant for being belittled rather than their snob.
4. Comparing not only with colleagues but with superiors; the truth is…
5. “It’s great! How many you are ranked?! And how many people you’ve helped?!”
6. “I respect your choice; however, you have only one change to choose.”,
“Because of morality, there is a great possibility I won’t choose you.”
7. “I respect people who have achieved those things I cannot achieve; at the
same time, I also avoid the halo
effect.👈”I like myself like this.” (squint 😄)
8. We are talking about others. We need to ask ourselves: “So, who I am?!”
9. “It’s not I forgive
others easily, it is I don’t want to make efforts to remember them.”
1. How I define [snobbish].
(1) People, who give
attention, respect or admire toward those who have higher social status, more
power or more material things.
(2) People, who feel
it is not necessary to give attention toward those whose social status is lower
than them or have less wealth or power; if they are belittle by those who are
in higher position, they feel not happy, though, they don’t think there is
anything wrong in this kind of behavior.
(3) Snob=above (1)+(2);
in folksay in Taiwan, people who are looking at upper side and never looking at
lower side is snobbish. Do you agree?!
The snobbish
behavior is also a kind of “birds of a feather flock together”,
these people love to get closer to those who in higher material terms to make
themselves feel they are the
same kind of persons.
2. Why you care?!
In above 1, if
some people make you feel you are a person of lower material terms to they are
avoiding you, you feel unpleasant accordingly, maybe, you also need to find way
to understand why you feel unpleasant. No matter how much you have, maybe, you
should know what is triggering your emotional unstable.
Below situation
may apply to everyone:
-
Everyone has advantage.
-
A admires wealthy persons, and A
thinks being wealthy is a kind of advantage or strength. B is not wealthy,
however, B is in general economic level, B has other advantages.
-
In making friends,
A has made a decision: to keep distance from B, because B
has no advantage A wants; anything B has, A wants none of them.
-
Does B need to be
angry?! Why or why not?!
A can choose who to be friends freely, B is no need
to be angry.
3. We feel unpleasant for being belittled rather than their snob.
Do you agree with
the content of this headline of this paragraph?!
Advice: You don’t
need to be responsible for others behavior and attitude.
I would advise you
not to do below 2 things:
(1) Be angry or be in
negative emotion accordingly for over 24 hours.
(2) Spend time in
planning to fight back.
Reasons for above advice:
(1) Do not invest your energy and time
toward those who don’t value you/disrespect you.
(2) Diamond Prajna ParamitaSutra told：「…who read, recite,
study and follow this sutra, but are belittled by others. This is because of
their previous bad karma, which would have otherwise caused them to be reborn
in the wretched destinies, but now,
by enduring the disparagement of others, this previous bad karma is eradicated,
and they will eventually attain anuttara-samyak-sambodhi.」
( #16 section in https://www.ctworld.org.tw/Buddhist%20e-Books/Books01/index.html )
Getting being belittled is erasing our bad karma,
this is the knowledge some religion has taught us regarding the insult endurance and one of all
the purpose of them.
Being belittled=encountering
disrespectful behavior due to lower material status or in less powerful
position.
It is natural reaction if we feel angry or not happy accordingly.
What to do?! à
Step1:To tell
ourselves or people around us：”In this experience, now I realize OOO is a snobbish person.”
We don’t need to
remember or forget about this experience intentionally; we still need to focus on ourselves and people who value us rather than
focusing on those who ignore us.
(You may feel something similar to those you’ve heard before?! In creating
revenue, people usually promote the idea of invest more resources toward
current customers or potential customers who are interested in us rather than
keep persuading those who are not interested in our products or services….👉Emily
suddenly becomes a sales person! 😆)
Step 2: Everyone
keeps making efforts to make ourselves a better person everyday; someday, when
you become a better person, OOO may appear again in a totally different
attitude toward you, you will give proper reaction because you’ve grown up.
4. Comparing not only with colleagues but with superiors; the truth is…
Every time, when
talking about “comparing”, it always reminds me of my former team member, S, I
feel sorry for her situation; she is a hard worker, however, she is less
confidence, she loves to compare personal life with others( people posting
picture on Meta), and she always admires other’s life and didn’t know her own
advantage; in below story I found she was doing comparison between I and her
former manager, I didn’t get angry but felt impressed she pays attention on
others. In our work environment, S’s working years and age are senior, however,
she has less experience in people interaction, it also reminds me of another
colleague in other work firm. What a pity thing.
In an extremely
cold period, S asked me why I wore the same coat everyday, unlike her former
manager OOO, her clothes were
different, she changed everyday…
I felt shocked S
didn’t know it was impolite to ask questions in this way, not mentioning I was
her manager.
I replied “Oh…it’s
so cold, in all my big coats,
this is the only one that can protect me from the cold these days, the amount I bought it was similar to
our accountant clerk’s one-month salary, I can afford only 1 piece.” S
shew the face :“what? The price is so high!!”, however, the more she explained the worse
situation she put herself in it, she drastically changed her attitude toward me
after this situation😒;
in my point of view, regardless the work relationship in between, people don’t
need to compare this at workplace, there is nothing to do with this at work.
The truth is:
All that glitters
is not gold, and vice versa; if we don’t know the value of something, it is
better we not to comment on it, otherwise, we expose our shortage by ourselves.
This story is for your reference of similar things around you.
5. “It’s great! How many you are ranked?! And how many people you’ve
helped?!”
Many people shared their wealth situation with me,
I usually gave them positive affirmation:
(1) I can feel they need affirmation( this is true!).
(2) Some said their son is good at making money, some said they married a rich person, and some shared they got inheritance that they are able to spend for lives; no matter who is creating the wealth, I always give affirmation because I think that is result of their work efforts in this life time or blessing or good karma from past life good deeds.
(3) However,
sometimes, the attitude of people who share this information make us feel not
comfortable, then I would ask the question just like the one listed in this
headline, it means, people in the list /Forbes are extremely wealthy, and, usually, they are passively reported…thus, why are
those not in the list would like to show off by themselves?! When people in the
first-place is keeping low- profile, why those not in the list are
high-profile?!
6. “I respect your choice; however, you have only one change to choose.”,
“Because of morality, there is a great possibility I won’t choose you.”
This is the
response for above 3., it’s the way I select friends for your reference.
I’m not a wealthy
person and not coming from a rich family, either, thus, there were people
keeping me away from them because of this situation, then I realize sometimes,
we need to bring wealth proof with us when making friends😆😆😆; I respect their
decision. However, after this kind of situation, some of them came to me for
help for them something and I would not necessarily help them not because of
revenge but I don’t want to be treated like being at their beck and call.
In making friends,
I value morality in people, and, maybe some snobbish persons also value
morality however, they consider the material things are the first priority
rather than morality. What about yours?!
7. “I respect people who have achieved those things I cannot achieve; at the
same time, I also avoid the halo
effect.👈”I like myself like this.” (squint 😄)
This means: I
respect people who are powerful, rich and influential, because that is what I
cannot achieve; I respect their having the ability to achieve these things.
However, before knowing more of them, I don’t think people are perfect with no
flaw due to their having more material things or power or in higher social
status.
In the world,
there are people who are rich, influential, and they are also kind persons,
and, there are also people who may not be rich or powerful, however, they are
kind and warm- hearted; to sum up, there are kinds of people in the world.
I believe you think the same.
8.
We are talking about others. We need
to ask ourselves: “So, who I am?!”
Last but not the
least, I would like to share a sentence I heard recently:
“I am what I think!”
“You are what you think!”
I’m not saying we
describe ourselves in a funny way, however, do you think this makes sense, and
this mindset is the same as what I’ve mentioned in previous paragraphs above,
we don’t need to prove who we are by getting affirmation from others. It is
surely you to define who you are, what kind of person you are; thus, in a work
interview, we are usually asked to do:
(1) Self
-introduction=How would you introduce yourself?!
(2) How will your
managers/team members/colleagues describe you?!=How others would describe you?!
(3) What is the
difference between above two situation and why?!
There are always
initiators of things, hence, treat ourselves the way we want others to treat
us.
Thoughts would invest energy into the things we’re thinking, so, we need to think ourselves in a positive way: I am a person who possess OOO capability, and, I have the ability to improve my weakness, such as ###.
Do you agree?!
9.
“It’s not I forgive others
easily, it is I don’t want to make efforts to remember them.”
In similar issues happening at workplace, people would talk about something related to forgiving if those snobbish persons apologize to those being disrespected; this also happened to me at work, they said sorry to me, however, I shew I don’t care so much about those things, my superiors and colleagues said I am a person of big tolerance, I responded it is a misunderstanding out of kind will saying I have the [big tolerance]:
(1) They have lost my
trust already, what I need to react? In my mind, I
deleted them directly!
(2) Everyone needs to
take the responsibility of their own karma created by themselves; everyday,
looking at the mirror, it is them need to face to the snobbish persons, not me.
Why I need to tangle it?! Roger over! 😁
Conclusion: Do not
forget sending loves and lights!
This is Emily, I
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